Climbing out of the ditch

There's been a sudden flood on the blog. Yet again, it was reflective of a bad mood. It was a long one this time- three days. New record?

But I'm coming back on top!

So for next time I think everything I'm doing is shit here's a reminder:

I'm still young.
I'm not a professional.
We made pretty big products pretty quickly for the number of us.
Not many other people can say they've done what I have.

Of course I'm going to worry about the future. Everyone does. And it's only natural I'm going to worry more as I get older. Working with a lot of successful kids doesn't help either. But if I keep positive, and keep learning, I'll be alright.

Chill the fuck out!

I'll try and get back on top of the blog for the back end of the year.

No promises.

"Blow this" he thought. That was enough! She wasn't really all that good looking and he was sick of feeling used.
"Wait here."
The command worked, even only if it was because the shock of being instructed to do anything by him caught her unawares.
He sauntered up to the first person he saw.
"Hi there!"
"Ugh... hi?"
Not put off by the stranger's confusion, he clapped a friendly hand on the stunned chap's shoulder and pointed over to her.
"I thought you should be the first to know, I'm breaking up with my girlfriend."
With a couple of pats on the shoulder he strolled off and left two utterly gobsmacked strangers staring at each other in the crowded street.

Elephants and llamas
Wear polka dot pyjamas.
Look them in the eye,
And you'll see they're not shy,
But neither are keen on farmers.

You can see them if you turn fast enough. You wouldn't want to though, they weren't made for our eyes.

The standing pigs are a mystery.

If you look at the back of the top sheld in a supermarket, you'll find bits of cereal and pasta.

The ground erupted. Tarmac and rubble flew into the air creating a lethal shower of rock and earth over the village.

Turning sharply, he stared back. His head whipped violently between the two, torn. Narrowing his eyes, he dropped the case and pounded back through the mist.

Welcome to hel young worker.
Welcome to the rest of your life.

Welcome to being trapped inside your own head with no glimmer of light or promise of hope.
All your dreams and aspirations were just tools to propel you through childhood so you could pretend you would achieve something.

The bigger picture will always be there, but you will never be in it.

Welcome to the frame.
Welcome to your boundaries.

Welcome to society imposing limits on you without prejudice.
Anything you thought you could do was wrong.
They'll subtly bog you down with trivialities and flood your mind with images of repression and revolution, poverty and luxary, order and chaos.

I WANT THOSE THINGS!
NOT THIS BLAND, FRUSTRATING EXISTENCE.

Take me away to that dark city.

That London of a time never passed.

Let me walk the streets of fear.

Overhead the angels war.

Below my feet the devils plot.

Politicians swarm the streets.

It’s the seat of power and I will find my throne.

The thoughts of a nation flicker blue.

They gather here, with capital interest.

Mine for the taking.

Overhead the angels fall.

All in the name of Grace.

What’s the point in me?

I make a lot of noise and know a lot of people. But when the day’s over and I’m alone in my room, who can I call? Who can I go to? I’ve somehow kept everyone at arm’s length. I have friends. I could call any one of them. But they won’t get me. When that calls end, however encouraging it might be, I’m back where I started. Alone in my room.

I don’t want to be alone in my room. I want to be doing what normal people do. I want to be surrounded by friends and family. I want to be doing something. I want reassurance and loyalty and love and affection and I want a fucking future.

What future do I have? One date cancelled and I crumble. The last year of my life has been spent churning out some shit I’m always going to compare to better things. The next year is going to be spent making something even worse.

I need a career, financial security and a family. I need freedom, adventure and company.

What am I achieving right now? What progress will I have made by this time tomorrow?

What difference will I ever make?

What is the point in me?

Speed writing

Eyes open.

Stand up. It’s all left for you. No one else will take this. No one else can do this. Now we find out who are, what you are.

Leave! Go! Ash will follow in your footsteps. Let your wings unfurl. Raise your sword high. Scream.

You’ll be surrounded. You’ll be alone. Be strong.

They can’t take you down. Cut your path and aim straight for destiny itself.

Veins glow with fire. Eyes shut.

Sword swings. Blind strokes. Change. The world is behind you know. You have ascended. You have fallen. Trapped between heaven and hell. Neither will take you. Your place is here, with this battle. Eternity at your feet. One corpse at a time. Have you seen yet? Do you understand? It’s you. It was always you. Him. The inevitable. The Repear. You are death, and these are your charge.